Not Quite Donne

Dear Dan,

Please get some sleep. And shower. You look kind of skanky.

Also, plz to be growing soon, kthanxbi.

And ditch the fugly emo hat. And the man purse.

Vee thinks you paid your "friends" 50 quid each to hang out with you. Pay me to hang out with you. I'm poor.

Love,
NQ

P.S. I am totes trying to figure out where that is so I can stalk you. And sell the photographs so I can afford to eat more than Pot Noodle (MSG, yum!)

A to-do list:

- put together mix cd of non-emo, melodically complex music for Dan. Step one in the de-emo Dan programme.
- go all What Not To Wear on Dan's ass, throwing out everything he owns that makes him look short which is, essentially, everything.
- buy Dan longer trousers, shorter shirts & jackets and shoes with low heels/lifts.
- burn all of Dan's emo hats and velcro shoes. Step two in the de-emo Dan programme.
- get paid to be one of Dan's "friends"
- don't let on that Dan doesn't actually have to pay me.
- well unless he'd like to hire me as his new image consultant, which I would totally, totally do.

And what have I actually done today? Well, I've sat in front of about 40 students while proctoring an exam while writing porn. I've also taken an two hour lunch and edited said porn. Now I'm on livejournal. This is so sad.

And as for porn, all I can give is a vague: PWN.