InsaneJournal

Fic: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (assassin!Percy, Percy/Harry), Rated R
Clearly I FAIL at cross-posting. But people aren't really leaving LJ, and it's likely I will just end up putting fic on here, sigh. I don't know man. IJ needs to get prettier.

Okay, this was one of the most bizarrely organic things I've ever written. Just kind of wrote itself. I like it entirely too much. Rather dark, but plz to be giving it a chance. And comment so I don't go hide in a dark hole of "omgican'tbelieveiwrotethis" and never come out.

Title: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang
Author: NQDonne
Pairing(s): Percy/Harry, Percy/Zacharias, Percy/others implied
Rating: hard R, mostly for language and sexual innuendo
Summary: Percy keeps a list of targets folded and tucked safely within his inside robe pocket. He enjoys a thrill of satisfaction each time he takes it out, unfolds it and crosses out another name, noting beside it in parentheses the cause of death.
Warnings: assassin!Percy, dub-con, major and minor character death, AU (uses some DH canon but disregards things so far as who lives/dies at the end is concerned)
Word Count: circa 2,450
Author's Notes: While this was born of my assassin!Percy in Life on Mars, this does not take place in the LoM verse. This is a darker, more bad-ass!Percy and the story uses a different canon timeline as that piece. Thanks to violet_quill for developing this idea with me over dinner last December. Ultimately I was the one who ended up writing it, though she might use it at some point in the future, lol. Live on bad-ass!Percy, live on… I was too impatient to wait for my normal Calvary of betas, so thank you to my London ladies lizardspots and raelinschaos for looking over it for me.

////////////////////

Percy keeps a list of targets folded and tucked safely within his inside robe pocket. He enjoys a thrill of satisfaction each time he takes it out, unfolds it and crosses out another name, noting beside it in parentheses the cause of death.

Alecto Carrow (asphyxiation)
Dolores Umbridge (poison)

He uses a vivid, green ink and never elaborates on the circumstances. He's happy to keep those details locked away in his mind, or sometimes in his Pensieve. The green – Avada Kedavra green, he amuses himself with the comparison – provides a stark contrast with the black of the names; their souls were black and his resolve, well, that's black as well, but the green is like the green of the Ministry, and he thinks it stands for justice. Not that his work is sanctioned by the Ministry.

The only person who knows about Percy's... extracurricular activities is Severus Snape, once a spy for Dumbledore and now an excellent handler, though for whom he's handling Percy is unclear. Dumbledore is dead and though Percy may be coincidentally taking out those with whom Dumbledore might have shared a common interest, it's no secret that Percy targets them for his own agenda. They are mostly those who tortured and killed Percy's friends and family during the war, though he makes exceptions for those who are all-around sick pieces of work who tortured and killed other people's friends and families, too. While not a long list, working through it is taking some time, what with his day job at the Ministry. Kingsley is Minister now, and has charged Percy with helping to clean up the place, which was riddled with corruption long before Voldemort took over, and now is littered with the war's leftovers. Some of his targets accomplish both Kingsley's and his own personal agendas, but not most, so he kills on his own time, what little of it he has.

Snape's the idea man, the one most familiar with those on The List, their particular haunts and proclivities, though by now Percy has learned enough that he can think on his feet and even impress his handler-cum-teacher now and then. Baiting them with seduction was Snape's idea, for instance, but Percy was the one who decided to use fucking to get the job done. Snapping Blaise Zabini's neck whilst Percy fucked him from behind had earned him a bonafide smirk from the hard-to-please man. Though maybe the smirk was in amusement at finding Percy had been the one doing the fucking. Percy likes to think he's full of surprises.

He'd certainly never seen himself becoming an assassin, that's for sure. When he sits down and thinks about it, makes a flow chart, as he is wont to do, he can see the progression, can even see that it's not that out of character, really. Just... extreme. But killing the lowly and wretched contains all the elements that Percy has always enjoyed: planning, precision, mental acuity and doing the right thing. Because it is the right thing, and the kinder-gentler Ministry certainly won't punish these criminals like they deserve. Many of their crimes are off-the-record, unproveable with the victims dead and no witnesses, and due process can only go so far.

Next on his list is Zacharias Smith. Not a Death Eater by any stretch, but a despicable human being nonetheless. Specifically a rapist. More specifically of Percy's sister, Ginny. It was during the time of Hogwarts' sadist detentions in that last year before Voldemort's defeat; Zacharias had apparently been among the Carrows' favourites and Ginny had been leading the resistance against them. Naturally, this meant she was a target, and Smith had decided to use this to his full advantage. Percy only knew because she'd written about it in her diary. It was wrong, he knew, to read it, but she was dead and he needed closure. He'd pushed her away after 6th year, and then once he'd become estranged from the whole family, he lost touch with her completely. What he'd found was another name for his list. He's been after Zach for about a month.

The seduction route is the way to go for this one. Some targets – the straight ones, namely – don't fall for the easy fuck ploy, but enough of them do that Percy thinks of it as his signature. Vulnerable, closeted Percy Weasley sneaks off from the Ministry to fulfil his baser desires. He's shy, maybe interested in some sex magic or hardcore stuff, gagging for a shag. And they all fall for it. They all take him back to theirs, or to a dirty hotel room, eventually, and then Percy takes care of them. Asphyxiation, poison, sliced jugular, Sectum Sempra (one of Snape's), Avada Kedavra. He doesn't like to use the same method twice, though he will make exceptions. The Sectum Sempra is particularly satisfying, if messy.

Now Zach likes to be aggressive, to be the pursuer. Percy's watched him circling his prey at the clubs until someone willing takes him up. Once he was lucky enough – if you could call it that – to witness one of the unlucky nights, and the bloke Zach tried to force himself upon afterwards. A carefully aimed Stunning Spell helps the would-be victim to get away, but it's enough to confirm to Percy that Zach has more than earned his place on The List. So tonight Percy is playing dumb and vulnerable.

God, Zach is easy, and it's scarcely gone twelve when they stumble into Zach's flat, Percy pretending he's far drunker than he is, and far shier.

"I, um, err, that is, I'm not sure about this..." Percy stutters and looks down at his feet. They're in Zach's bedroom and Zach's already got his shirt off and is setting Percy with a feral expression.

"It's fine; you'll like it." Zach's such a wannabe Gryffindor, stalking towards him like a cat, licking his lips like he fucking got the cream. Percy keeps up the charade though inside he's sharpening his wits, deciding on the best way to take care of him. Something fitting, surely.

"I don't know... you know, maybe I should go." Percy turns to leave the room and, predictably, there's Zach's iron grip on his arm, forcing him to turn back round.

"I don't think so, Weasley," Zach grinds out and presses him up against the wall, his erection digging into Percy's back. "We made a deal."

"We... we did?"

"Yes. You decided to come home with me. So we're going to fuck. That's the fucking deal. I don't waste my time with virgins who back out at the last minute."

"I'm not a virgin."

"Have you been fucked up the arse before?"

"No," Percy lies.

"Didn't think so." Zach pushes him further into the wall as if to emphasise his machismo. He leans close to Percy's ear and breathes hotly. "Now we fuck."

//////////////

"So how did you do it?" Snape asks with a smirk.

"I smothered him with a pillow," Percy answers, taking a sip of his Earl Grey. It's their Sunday tradition. Tea, biscuits and death.

"Plebian," scoffs Snape, but Percy doesn't allow himself to be baited.

"Classic," he intones wryly. "And strangely satisfying. We both managed to come, too, though he didn't live to see the clean-up."

"Lovely. Who's next, then?"

"Adrian Pucey."

"Biscuit?" Snape offers a plate of shortbread cookies, smirk firmly planted on his face.

"Thank you." Percy takes the proffered biscuit and smiles.

//////////////

At the start two years ago, Percy's list had twenty-three names on it. It is now down to six, though over time he has added and subtracted a few, which in the end should put his total kills at round about eighteen. Zacharias Smith was twelve, and thirteen and fourteen went smoothly. Fifteen through eighteen are going to be problems, however.

Harry's joined the Auror Division, and from what Kingsley's been saying, he's revolutionising the department. He says this jocularly, but Percy can tell it irks him a bit, that Harry is cleaning up after Kingsley, in a sense. Percy is fine with this, even if Harry's methods are a little bit softer than his. He's redefined how the squad approaches Death Eaters and Dark magic in general, and Percy's heard he's even introduced some Muggle psychology into things, though it's all Greek to Percy, so he can't imagine how.

Percy continues to be fine with this until Harry begins to act peculiarly around him. Until Percy realises Harry's caught-wise to him, must have, because he's taken to following Percy in the evenings and it's cramping Percy's style. He's after Terence Higgs but he can't dare approach him without Harry following along, and Percy doesn't think Harry's up for a threesome and team kill. Percy snorts-laughs at the thought. Harry and Percy, Bonnie and Clyde style.

He begins to intentionally lead Harry on wild goose chases at night, visiting both the mundane and scandalous places – book stores and bondage clubs, Tescos and Tailbangers. At the latter he hopes to scare Harry off, lose him so he can go take care of his next target, but nothing seems to shake Harry, and after a few weeks of this, Percy starts to realise he must enjoy the places Percy leads him to. This is amusing, that Harry would be as twisted as Percy, considering he's usually seen about town with an assortment of very pretty, famously chaste young women. Many are the daughters of revered war heroes, and not the types of girls who could tie Potter up and spank him if he asked. And certainly not the type with penises.

Tonight he's at one of the tamer places, but it's also exclusively gay, and Percy's decided tonight is the night to see what Potter is really after. Percy puts on his act, nervously eyeing a fit brunette in the corner, but this time it's for the benefit of Harry being able to watch instead of Percy looking for a kill.

They come together at the back of the club; Percy doesn't even bother to learn his name. It's hot and hard, and he's sure Harry is watching. When he hears the tell-tale hitch of breath from behind them that signifies Harry's just come in his pants, Percy grins, and allows his own orgasm to wash over him. Now he thinks he knows the best way to counter Harry. And it's what he's good at.

//////////////

Harry tastes like sweat and honey.

Percy moans and says what he knows he wants to hear. You're so big. Want you in me. Fuck, Harry, want you, Harry. It's run of the mill stuff, but it's the way Percy says it that hooks them all in. Like he's a dirty little thing being despoiled by them, their fucktoy. Though, in all fairness, he is. Percy's just more aware of what he is and what he's doing than they think.

It's weird, coming to the moment of climax without finishing his partner off. Percy usually doesn't come out of these things with the other person still breathing. Harry snores, and he's heavy lying over Percy. But he's also a heavy sleeper, and Percy takes the opportunity to slip out and do a bit of research into his next subject.

This is how he manages his next two kills. In the early morning hours, while Harry sleeps off their fucking, Percy goes to work.

Terence Higgs (Avada Kedavra)
Amycus Carrow (sliced jugular)

The ink is green like Harry's eyes and black as this business. One more and he's done. And after that?

Percy listens to the sound of Harry's breathing and thinks.

//////////////

Percy and Snape share a spot of afternoon tea, and Percy fills Snape in on the latest. He always likes to hear about every kill in detail; Percy knows he gets off on it, especially when Percy pulls the strands of memory into Snape's Pensieve and lets him watch.

Snape is mid-sentence when he starts choking. His legs spasm and he knocks over the coffee table and the tea with it. Despite the convulsions racking his frame, he manages to stand and starts towards the supply cupboard.

"There's no point, Severus. I've removed the Bezoars," Percy says calmly. Snape turns, shaking, wheezing what Percy's sure is an accusation. He shrugs. "Sorry."

When it's over, Percy simply gets up, steps over the body and heads for the door. It's Snape's own poison that's killed him and they'll find a note on his desk referencing his guilt over Dumbledore's death, the students who died at Hogwarts. No one ever really liked Snape, not even Percy, so they'll believe he took his own life without much trouble.

He arrives home to find Harry sitting on his living room sofa.

"Is it done?"

Percy inclines his head in the affirmative.

"Good. Is that everyone, then? On the list?"

"Yes. How long have you...?"

"Since you contacted him about untraceable poisons. He shared your... mission with me, and I figured it would help us reach a common goal."

"It's not exactly in line with Harry Potter's Modern Auror Division though, is it? Killing Death Eaters and other scum."

"No, but there's no starting a new era without cleaning up the old."

Percy nods. "So I've been working for you, then? That's almost double time. The Ministry should be paying me."

Harry laughs at that, though the sound is mirthless. "You were working for yourself as much as for me."

"And the fucking part? Was that part of the employee benefits programme?"

"It's a perk," says Harry wryly.

"So what now?"

Harry shrugs. "It's pretty simple. I head the Auror division, everybody's hero, I marry some pretty, pleasing woman, and maybe we fuck on the side. You stop the killing, or I kill you. And you stay at the top of the Ministry ladder, like you want."

Percy's answering laugh is a bitter one. "Sounds brilliant."

"It's exactly what you wanted, isn't it? Prefects who gained power?"

"I never imagined there'd be so much blood and fucking involved."

"Bullshit."

Touché. Percy moves over to the kitchen area and puts on the kettle. He's in the mood for Darjeeling, he thinks. He keeps his back turned as he takes out two mugs, two silver tea strainers and the box of loose tea. Calling out behind him, he keeps his smile between him and the now-whistling kettle.

"Tea, Harry?"

Finis